Well Jeff Bezos, you've been named the new world's wealthiest person, so I suppose congratulations are in order. That is, they would be, if not for one simple fact: you are not the world's wealthiest person. I am.
That's right, Mr. Bezos, all of your billions ($90.6 of them, according to Forbes) pale in comparison to MY wealth. You see, Jeff, I am rich in love for my family, and the profundity of that love far surpasses your bank accounts.
Also, I run a global criminal drug empire worth more than $300 billion.
Sorry, Jeff! Your spot at the top of the world's wealthiest list is unfortunately meaningless! Even with all your money, profit and influence, you'll never match how truly rich I feel each and every day of my life when I walk into my home and am greeted by my sweet young daughter Alise, my beautiful wife Shannon, and my 75 personal bodyguards armed to the teeth to protect me and all of my drugs 24/7. Read more...
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